Archive for April 7, 2008
Blog 5 It’s A Girl!
When I look at my life and ask ” What would I do differently? “ That’s so easy, I wish I would have waited to have a child. I had my daughter at 17 years young. Of course, still at home living with my mother. I was going to my senior year in high school. I did’nt realize then that I was way too young to have a baby. Not only that, but I had no idea how to properly care for a baby. I thought all you had to do is change diapers and make bottles. This is both my boyfriends (at the time) and my first baby. He is only a year older than me and we had nothing to offer this baby, materialistic or experience. We both had to get a job. At first I was going to school and working and then it got so hard that I dropped out. Everyone encouraged us to get married and we did. I feel like we all suffer because of that mistake we made. Edward has to work at a back breaking job to support us with no diploma.
I had planned my life so differently. I was a straight “A” student all my life. In high school I was in R.O.T.C all four years. I ranked 8th in my class of 210, and I wanted to graduate so bad. I wanted to go to the Army reserves. I imagined myself going out clubing to have fun like other teens. I thought I would go out and date different guys till I found the right one. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband, but I feel we really just got married because it was the right thing to do for the baby. At age 23 I still pictured myself single. I would go to a four year university and get a bachlors. Now I don’t have that time I need to get the associates degree to start working and helping with the bills. When I got out of school, got into a career, and financially stable I’ll be at the right stage to get married. This is when I would be thinking of having children. When we have more to offer a baby and would’nt have to worry about struggling.
Can I create a new opportunity for the missed one? Well let’s see I’am already happily married even though I did’nt get to experience dating a whole bunch of wierd unique guys. If that would of happened the guys I hear about probably would have scared me out of marriage and choosing a lifetime partner. Idid go back to school and was able to get my GED. Not the way I planned it but I was already too old to go back to high school. I’ve just started community college and plan on a two year degree. It is much tougher to do homework and focus on studing when a five year old is depending on me to help with her homwork. Also I need to get dinner on the table every night. I did the full time student this semester but I’m thinking I couldonly handle part time next semester. My family has already been in hard times and you can’t make up for that. I believe I can still reach my goal, but its going to take twice as long and be twice as hard. A baby at a young age put me two steps behind on everything I do.
The most important thing I’ve learned is to use birth control, because one decisions can change your whole life. I will really think about the consequences when you have unprotected sex. I can move on with my life and progress. On the good side I can help others like my daughter and my little sisters by giving them advice about having a child young. I guess I’ve learned my lesson because I only have one child. HA! I want a second child, but now I know to plan ahead and wait till were prepared.
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Blog 4 Alcohol
A particular smell in my history would have to be my long stay at the hospital. In December 2005 I was in a terrible car accident. It was early in the morning around 7 a.m, and the rain was coming down. It was cold out and the water on the road begin to turn to ice. The car slid in the ice and hit a pole. I became paralyzed from the neck down. My face and my whole body was swolen. I had shattered my jaw and the doctors had to place arch bars and plates to hold it together. I had a tracheotomy to brethe. I was unable to speak for two and a half months.
I had to stay at the hospital for almost six months. Everyday was a routine down to the minute. Basicly I did the same things everyday. I know that pretty much everybody knows the smell of a hospital, but I was able to smell every single thing. I don’t know if it was because of the accident or the new medications they were giving me, but different things made me nausous. I remember the smells of the bandages and wraps that they put on my open wounds. I could even smell the tape and to this day I’ll recognize that med tape smell. My day time tech was Linda and she wore a flowery perfume that gave me a headache. Iremember her and her scent very well because I spent everyday with her for six months. Other smells that come to mind is the daily air sanitizer that housekeeping sprayed after they cleaned. It smells exactly like the no fragrance Lysol that I use at home to disinfect. I had to take vitamins daily and they smell literaly like throw up. To this day if I have to take a vitamin I’ll hold my nose.
I realize that many people have stayed at a hospital, but I don’t think very many people get to experience it like I have. My months at the hospital were very dramatic. Many days were sad and depressing for me. Especially in the begining when I was unable to get off the bed. The first two months I laid in that bed only being able to watch television. All my family lives in San Antonio, so the only visitor I had was my husband. I cried daily and prayed that I would get better and go home. It is the most depressing time in my life. I remember feeling like my life was over.
Since my accident I have been to the hospital many times, but none of them compare to this one. Times when I get sick it takes everything for me to go to the hospital. I’am scared they will keep me there and I’ll be depressed allover again. There are many times that I smell the familar scent of the hospital. Such as bandages, wraps, and the stinky vitamins. One of the biggest ones that brings me flashbacks is the alcohol. I guess because they used the pads so often to clean my central line and get medications. When I get a whiff I get this image in my head of me laying down on a hospital bed. I use to cry alot when I start thinking about it. Not anymore, I think of it as look how far I’ve come. Not to include how lucky I feel to be able to come out of all that and still go on with life. People always try to cheer me up by telling me everything will be okay, I finally realized they were right. Now I’am strong enough to talk about it. It has grown from a depression to an accomplishment.
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