#6 I think I can
April 17, 2008 eternity5
I think that braveness is one of my weakness’. I try to be the safest person in pretty much everything I do. I wasn’t always like that, but I’ve learned some hard lessons in life and I think taking risk is for the irresponsible, wild people. Why take that chance, if I do this it could really benefit me or it could mess things up for me. I go the safe way and say ” I’m not going to do that because there’s a chance it could go really bad for me”. So, I listened to this song and tried to imagine if I were brave and could not fail, what would I do? Well I think the list for me is endless. I always stop before I do something and think “can I accomplish this?” Especially after my car accident its like I’ve started a whole new life and I look at everything in a different prospective. I guess you can call me a chicken shit.
In high school when I was in ROTC I was really motivated to go to the service. That is something I believe everyone should consider. We all share the freedom so its only right if we all share the responsibility to defend it. As I got into my senior year all I could think about is everything that could go wrong over there. If I were brave I would of done it. Of course its too late for that because now I’m paralyzed but I think I would of enjoyed it.
Another thing that I’ve dreamed of but have not had the courage to do so is to go out and drive again. Heres another thing that with my accident I have really thought about the consequences. Every time I’m on the highway it frightens me to be close to the wall. I get scared on bridges all the time. I understand that accidents happen but I don’t want to hurt myself or anybody else. If I were brave I would go out and get a disability van to drive. I would want to drive myself to school instead of having to depend on someone else. I would be able to take my daughter places by ourselves. I know see really misses that. I would get out of the house more often rather than sit at home every day like I do. I’d have a completely different life.
Right now I’m going for an associates degree in applied science. I wanted so badly to go for a four year degree but I was scared I would fail. What if I go half way or third the way and give up then I’d be left with nothing. If I were brave I would take that big leap of faith and believe in myself instead of being scared of failure. I would’nt limit myself to the small things that might not be that hard to accomplish. I’d be strong and go which ever way life takes me.
Also there is alot of things I don’t do because I fear of what other people might say of me. Such as dressing up and going clubing; I feel if I go people might stare and think to themselves this girl is in a wheelchair and still trying to party. I would’nt be worried about what they think just continue the things I use to do before I was in a wheelchair. Like wearing low cut shirts and putting on make-up everyday. I would do my nails, go color my hair and go out and experience new things like a 23 year old should. I hope that the day comes when I stop trying to be safe and think what ever happens happens, just do it.
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