#7 Freaked out

      Since my accident I tend to self destruct more often.  Just think everything that you do everyday, and now imagine your not able to do it for yourself anymore.  Other people do simple daily activites for me and I don’t always like the way they are done.  That is one of the things that usually pisses me off; especially because I can’t do them for myself.  Just like two weeks ago was the last time I went into self destruct mode.

      I had fallen behind in all my classes because I had gotten sick.  It felt like everything was going bad for me.  In my english class I’ve been behind ever since I had to redo my blogs because I did’nt save them right.  At first I felt over whelmed and thought I was never going to catch up, but then I started taking them one at a time.  In speech class I had a persuasion speech I had to say on Wednesday.  All in this same week my art test was going to be on Friday.  It was the biggest test she had ever given.  I mean it covered alot of material and I had to know info on classical music by sound.  Don’t even get me started on math.  I really fell behind when I failed a test and he allowed me to retake it.  So, I had to study for the retake and also for the one everybody else was already on.  I was completely stressed out.

     I go to school Monday trough Friday and it is no where near easy.  I wake up at six A.M and go to the clinic to get my pain medication everyday.  When I get back I have to wake up my five year old daughter and get her ready for school.  I use to feed her breakfast at home but it got to difficult so she eats at school.  My personal aide arrives at 7:30 to help me get a bath and get dressed.  Then its off to class and I stay there until about one p.m all week.  When I arrive at home I get to take an hour lunch break.  My daughter Eternity gets off of school at three and is ready for a snack.  She also has homework that I help her with.  I finally get to start my studying for about two hours.  About 5:30 I prepare dinner and my husband Edward gets home.  He has been up since he drove me to the clinic then he went to work for ten trough twelve hours.  We eat dinner and as soon as I finish I get back to my school work.  Edward helps out and gets Eternity and him taken a bath, thank God.  Me, well I stay studying until my eyes star closing slowly on me.  At last I get to go to bed, but it only feels like an hour before the alarm rings and its time for another day.

      So you could see how crazy my day is and I can very easily turn into a witch at any split second.  This busy week I was very grouchy and talked to people with an attitude or did not talk to them at all.  This is my first time back at school in five years.  Any thing sets me off such as if Eternity can’t find her shoe I’ll star yelling at the top of my lungs at who ever is there.  I started fighting with Edward pretty much everyday, nagging him to help out.  Sometimes when I’m working I just begin to cry and I dont want to be bothered.  I start cursing at my family to start doing things for themselves.  The neighbors could most likely hear me.  My family was completely being ignored by me.

      I don;t like it when I get like this and I always regret it the minute after its done.  I’m really going to start working on my behavior and temper.  Instead think before I take action.  Next semester I plan to make my schedule a little easier by only going Tuesdays and Thursdays.  I just know it will be worth it in the end.

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